The CHEMO IS WORKING!!

I completely forgot to mention the results of Wednesday's CT scan!

The largest lymph node has shrunk by 65%!! (I was given the original size and the new size and Trevor broke out his calculator and figured out the exact shrinkage.) I'm SO HAPPY!! The rest of the lymph nodes have shrunk, too, but my oncologist said that they may never shrink back down to normal because a lot of it is probably scar tissue. The PET scan after treatment #8 will show exactly what "lights up," or what is still actually cancerous.

HOORAY!!

Dreaming of peacoats & scarves...

I was told about this website called Polyvore and I have become absolutely addicted. You can browse through pages of clothing or interiors and put together an outfit or room! It's SO much fun for me since I enjoy doing that stuff already, although now I have an unlimited wardrobe to work with! It's a great marketing ploy on their part, although let's just say money hasn't really been going to my clothing lately. The whole concept of a "shopping spree" isn't in my vocabulary these days.

Anyway, the least I can do is dream, and because autumn appears to be upon us (what with the arrival of rain and cloudy skies - which, as a "true" Seattleite, I surprisingly like quite a bit), I am signing off with my 2008 dream fall wardrobe.

P.S. Treatment #5 was this morning. I came home and slept the rest of the day and now we're off to the grocery store. I hope this weekend treats me as well as the last post-treatment weekend!

CT scan TODAY

Wish me luck!

My week

Tomorrow I have my CT scan - the first since the initial - to see how the cancer is reacting to the chemo. It's a little nerve-wracking to think it might not be working, but my oncologist squished around in my neck region and said he couldn't feel the swollen lymph nodes anymore, so I'm hoping for the best!

Thursday is treatment #5! One away from half way done!

Tonight I'm having dinner with Celeste & our old high school history teacher, Steve, and his partner, Amal. They're so much fun. Sometimes I wonder if people think it's weird I'm friends with and still keep in touch with certain high school teachers, but if you went to my high school, you would understand.

Wednesday is Alexa's 23rd birthday dinner. Wow, we're getting old! But not really. :o)

I AM IN THE BEST MOOD.

Last night:

- got dinner (at Paseo!) with a good college friend who was in town ever-so-briefly

- met up with the girls and went to Mona's for fantastic dessert (lavender & honey ice cream!)

Today:

- slept in until 9:45am (and I actually slept well for the first time all week!)

- made pancakes with berries (the batter was purple!)

- climbed back into bed with boyfriend & snuggled

- got up and showered

- cleaned and organized apartment (moved my desk to a better spot!)

- went to JoAnn's with Celeste

- crafted with Celeste (we made cute tufted ribbon bulletin boards!)

- came home & made nachos with boyfriend (SO TASTY)

- read book & relaxed

And later tonight we're going to a BBQ! I almost feel normal (all except for that weird heartburn-y starving feeling in my stomach). And to top it all off, it's only Saturday! I could do this all again tomorrow if I wanted! Haha, is it obvious I haven't been able to enjoy my weekends for a long time?

And tomorrow, I'm going to take a bath!! With bubbles and fizzies and candles and EVERYTHING. Can you tell I'm excited?

So, at what point will I look like Mr. Clean?

I now think my hair is finally coming out. It doesn't look like it when you look at my head, but after looking in the sink after blow-drying my hair this morning, I can start believing it. I'm SO glad I cut my hair. I can't imagine having to deal with long, gross strands everywhere. I thought I would feel a lot worse once it finally started to come out more, but I'm not that phased by it, probably because it sure took it's sweet time! I'm also probably not that phased by it because my hair doesn't look patchy at all. Still thick up on top. I just have no idea how long it will stay that way. Oh well, I've got lots of pretty scarves for when I finally decide to buzz it.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

Going to the support group last night was really good for me in that I realized that, even though this whole Hodgkin's thing definitely isn't a walk in the park, I've got it pretty easy in comparison to the other women I talked to. There were only three other cancer patients there, but it was good to meet some other people who understood firsthand. One woman had NHL a couple years ago, and now she has HD (one of only 30 documented cases), and another woman is one of nine cases of her certain kind of leukemia with no bone marrow involvement. The third woman first had some sort of incurable vascular tumor that only 1% of the population has (she is therefore forced to fly to Denver each month for treatment because it's the only place her treatment is performed), then on top of that she has a certain kind of incurable leukemia. She takes a pill each day to keep it in "remission" but she's going to have to live with it the rest of her life unless something else is discovered.

Cancer sucks. Big time.

Oh, and my hair doesn't know what it's doing. It can't make up its mind whether it's falling out or not. Yesterday, a lot came out. This morning, not as much. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

Trevor and I are going to a young adult support group at the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society tonight after he picks me up at work. It'll be nice to finally meet some other cancer patients my age.

My hair came out a lot more than usual in the shower this morning. Is this the road to baldness?

No complaints!

The wedding was beautiful and I still feel like I didn't have treatment last Thursday! It would be wonderful if this feeling continued for the rest of my treatments, although I have a hunch it won't... The floaters in my peripheral vision have increased, but that's the only complaint I have today. Oh, that, and some heartburn, and it being terribly quiet at work today. Off to lunch!

Still feeling good - Neutrophil counts, I love you!

The pirate party was a success last night! We stayed for about an hour and half, but it was definitely entertaining. Everyone was so dressed up! I think Jon made quite a bit of money for the Light the Night walk, too! (I forgot to mention that he had been growing out his beard for the party, and a tennis club member asked him why he was looking so scruffy. He told her about the party and about how it was a fundraiser for LLS and about me - not sure if she knew me - and she decided she wanted to pay for the keg! So nice of her!)

And this morning, I feel good enough to go to Blair and Lauren's wedding! Jamie and Leah are going to pick me up around 9:30am and then we get to drive a nice long four hours to the Washington-Oregon border. Trevor said it's absolutely beautiful down there and that there's so much stuff to do. Maybe we'll go there for our remission vacation.

YAR!

I feel pretty good today! Definitely not like the first two post-treatment weekends. I really think it has to do with my neutrophil levels being higher than the past few times. There's a very good chance I'll be able to go to Blair and Lauren's wedding tomorrow.

Trevor and Chelsie drove down last night, so my mom spent the night with me to make sure everything was okay. She hung out for awhile today, too, and she'll be back a little later to check in. Celeste and I are going to stop by Jon's swashbuckling pirate party tonight where he's raising money for the Light the Night walk! I was so touched when I found out he was throwing the party in my honor and to raise money for the LLS. We're going to dress up like pirates! YAR! I took a shower and started to get ready for the day, but so far I still just have my bathrobe on - but I've accessorized with a red pirate bandana on my head, haha.

I talked to Trevor today and he said he caught a big steel head trout when they were out on the boat for Blair's "bachelor party" today! So exciting! I'm happy that I get to see him tomorrow. It's really amazing how much I miss him when we're apart, even just for a day. :o)

HOT and ALONE but HAPPY

Chemo #4 was a success yesterday! Mira and Kaston came to visit, and when my mom came to pick me up, Hunter came, too! So many fun visitors!

I finally got to see Dr. Chen, my oncologist, too! The last time I had seen him was when we did my bone marrow biopsy on May 28th! I had just been seeing his main nurse because he was never available, but I get to see him next time, which is nice.

He also gave me great news, or at least clarified what he had said before. I thought I was going to be getting 12 treatments, then a few more treatements instead of chemo. But apparently, I'm getting 12 treatments total! 8 treatments, then 4 more instead of radiation! SO HAPPY! So, if all goes as planned, and none of my treatments are pushed back, I'll have my last treatment on December 4th! Maybe I'll be declared in remission by 2009!

I have a CT scan scheduled for August 28th, the day before chemo #5, to see how the cancer is reacting. Dr. Chen poked around my collarbone area and didn't really find anything! The lymph nodes have shrunk so much already that he couldn't even feel them! I still have to receive all 12 treatments, but it's nice to know that it's working, especially because my hair is still sticking around! I know there's no correlation between the success of the treatment and hair falling out, but when your hair isn't coming out in clumps like everyone said it would, it makes you wonder. There's still a chance I could go bald, but most people have buzzed their heads by this point because so much is falling out. But mine just doesn't want to go! I wash and blow dry my hair every morning, treating it like normal, and it's still on my head. Maybe it helped that I chopped it all off. Besides, I needed a style change, haha.

Dr. Chen also finally showed me my first CT/PET scans because I told him I had never seen them. OMG SO COOL. I can't even quite describe it, but he could spin the picture of my body in 3D, and he showed me the PET, which was as if my body were sliced like a loaf of bread, then he would show me each slice and the layers of the cancer. The CT scan was black and white, and the really dark black blobs were the parts of my body that had taken up the glucose (a fluid you have to drink before the scan - DISGUSTING). At first it looked like there was cancer EVERYWHERE, but he explained to me that the cancer isn't the only thing to take up the glucose. The heart, bladder, kidneys, baby fat strips on your shoulders to your chest, and other portions also take up the sugar. He made sure to point out what was actually cancer and what wasn't. The PET scan showed these black portions as glowing red patches instead. Also super cool.

The building at work today is like a big brick oven. There's no air conditioning so I've opened all the windows in all of the offices I have access to. I'm the only one here today, so it's also really quiet and I don't have much to do. I really shouldn't complain, but it makes the day go by quite a bit slower than when I have lots of tasks to get done. Oh well, I should enjoy it while I feel good.

The ABC's of Chemo

I saw this on Jenne's blog awhile ago, so now that I'm in the throes of chemotherapy, I thought I would make my own. Here is a list of all the different chemicals and medicines going into my body these days. Sadly, I'll probably be adding to this list as treatments progress.

A - Adriamycin (chemo drug)
B - Bleomycin (chemo drug), Biotene (for mouth sores)
C - Chemotherapy (in general)
D - Dacarbazine (chemo drug), Dexamethasone (for nausea)
E -
F -
G - Gabapentin (for hot flashes)
H - Heparin (to keep the port from clotting)
I -
J -
K -
L - Lupron (to preserve my ovaries), Lorazepam (for anxiety/to help me sleep), Lidocaine (to numb the port when it's accessed)
M -
N -
O - Omeprazole (for heartburn)
P - Prochlorperazin (for further nausea if the Dex doesn't work)
Q -
R -
S - Saline flushes (to clean the port's catheter of chemicals)
T - Tylenol (for EVERYTHING else)
U -
V - Vinblastin (chemo drug)
W -
X -
Y -
Z -

There are fifteen on the list as of now. Let's see where I'm at in a couple months. Hopefully not too many more! Oh, and this doesn't even count the fertility hormones I was on before the egg retrieval. Let's just say, I am "le tired."

Sicky McSickerson

I have decided I don't like beige-colored tissues because I can't tell how green my snot is after I blow my nose. I know that sounds gross, but it's a legitimate concern for me. No, seriously. It is. :o)

Trevor picked me up early from work on Tuesday, and I stayed home on Wednesday and Thursday because I felt miserable. I'm still coughing and a bit stuffed up, but I feel much better than I did the past few days. This cold has really hit me hard, most likely because of my weakened immune system. SO FRUSTRATING. Usually the week after chemo, I'm feeling a little depressed and have myself a good cry on Tuesday or Wednesday, but this week, I think the neighbor's water leak downstairs was due to my crying. It was really rough. And I know being curled up in bed, crying all alone probably doesn't help the situation, but it's just what I needed to do. The good news is, I think all that crying and snot-releasing helped clear up my cold faster! Throughout the day yesterday, the resulting Rorschach snot-blot tests became less and less green, indicating the infection was leaving my body, slowly but surely. Hopefully I'll be completely fine for treatment next Thursday. I'll also be getting a CT scan after treatment #4 to see how well the chemo is working. It's exciting but nerve-wracking at the same time.

I watched Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture." I really want to read the book. It's so sad such an amazing person had to be taken from the world. Well, it's so sad when anyone is taken, but this guy was different. You just have to watch it to understand.

Third time's the charm?

For some reason, this weekend wasn't as bad as most post-chemo weekends. It just didn't make sense. I woke up Saturday expecting to lay the day away in bed, but I actually moved around the apartment a bit, saw my friend Mariana (as she was passing through Seattle), and got some things done. Sunday I made third of a batch of cookies (the rest of the dough is sitting in the fridge waiting to be popped in the oven), then got pooped, but later in the evening Trevor and I managed to make it to Celeste's house for an impromptu BBQ. We stayed for about an hour, and it was good to get out of the apartment and be social for a bit. Cancer and the CPA exam really make us the least-fun couple around, haha.

I feel less "chemo-brainy" than usual, too. Maybe this week won't be so bad. I still can't quite figure out why I feel better than usual. I guess I should just stop wondering and enjoy it!

One fourth DONE!

Yesterday went as smoothly as possible. My port's catheter seemed clogged at first, but the nurse got it flowing again. The Heparin (anti-clogging "juice" that's injected at the end of a treatment to help keep the catheter from clogging for the next treatment) must not have worked as well. Oh well, it still worked, although it was a little alarming because I was worried the port needle wasn't in the right place, and the chemo chemicals would go in the wrong place and burn my insides. The Adrimycin is so bad you would need reconstructive surgery if it got on your skin! Yikes! But luckily, the blood appeared as it should have and all was fine. Jamie and Leah came to visit, so that was nice, too. Leah brought me a big stack of magazines, too, which will come in handy this weekend.

This chemo treatment was a little more depressing than usual, though. I had to wait a little longer than usual for a couple of things, and it unfortunately gave me time to just stare at the syringes and bags of drugs sitting on the little table next to me. Looking at the port all hooked up to my chest, and watching the chemicals get pumped in was a little harder than usual to deal with, and I found myself tearing up a little at times, but I held it together and kept on reading Marta Stewart Living. I guess it's just hard to watch the drugs go in, knowing that they're basically trying to come as close to killing me without actually doing so; that these chemicals are actually going to keep me alive in the long run, but that I'm going to feel absolutely miserable this weekend and the upcoming week. This is definitely not what I had in mind for the summer after college graduation.

Usually I'll have my own little room at the Seattle clinic, and last time at Bellevue I was the only one there, but this time there were two other couples there. One old man was getting (what I think was) a blood transfusion. He seemed to be in good spirits, and he and his wife were really cute and obviously loved each other very much. They smiled and said goodbye to me as they left. There was also another older couple, but the wife was receiving treatment of some kind. I couldn't see her for awhile, but I could hear her talking: "If 911 comes, remember, I don't want to be resuscitated!" When I saw her, she didn't look that old, but I guess she was just so miserable she didn't care about living or dying, no matter her age. I tried to smile at her as I left, and I think I got somewhat of a smile in return. I hoped it helped her a little bit. I know that when the older couple left, and they smiled at me, it made me feel better. Every little bit of support, especially from other cancer patients, really helps.