Not in a good place in my mind.

I know I'm at work and I shouldn't be blogging at work, but I can't help it. I've been reading Jenne's blog non-stop this morning (NO ONE is around, and I'm trying to do work but I've got chemo brain and all I can think about is this cancer eating away at my body).

I had all these things I wanted to write about, but now I can't summon them. I had chemo #2 on Thursday and was a total blob all weekend. I haven't been great today, but I'm improving. A little.

It's supposed to get worse, too. Instead of just a few days after chemo of feeling like I don't exist, it will eventually last the entire two weeks between treatments. Goody. I need to cry but I can't find the right place right now, and I don't want to look all red and puffy and pretend I haven't been crying when the various professors walk through the office.

My hair hasn't started falling out yet. At least I don't think so. When I wash my hair I look at my hands to see if it's coming out. I look at my pillow every morning expecting to see huge clumps sitting on the pillowcase. They're not appearing yet. Trevor tries to reassure me every morning that there's WAY more hair on his pillow and his isn't going to come back. I love that man more than anything, and he shows he loves ME more than anything by sticking around, by taking care of me every second of every day, even though he has this stupid CPA exam(s) to study for.

Mom came over and cooked dinner for us Saturday and Sunday evening, and I think she's going to do the same tonight. I just don't think I'll have the energy. Here comes a week of me climbing into comfier clothes the second I get home.

I was awake a lot of last night, tossing and turning because of the Leupron. I get a Leupron injection once a month to protect my ovaries from the chemo by basically putting my body into a state of menopause. This means hot flashes. That keep me up all night. My mom is going through the same thing, but hers is the real deal as we're 27 years apart. Meno-PARTY.